I'm not dead. I promise. I guess my focus just ain't on blogging these days. :D

I will get around to blogging the NY trip. I simply HAVE to. I can't forget any of the details of that trip. First installment this weekend. I swear. If not, I'm erasing this post.

No words are fit for today. I just can't believe that it's been a year.

Stay tuned. I will be blogging soon about Andrew's & my trip to NY last weekend. Amazing.

Quick update:

The fog has lifted. After ~ 4 days, I feel myself again. Looking forward to the weekend. I have several fun plans in the workings.

Also, I've found more info online about PMS-y symptoms and hypothyroidism. (Silly thyroid. What am I going to do with you?)

More later...

I swear, what the hello-pete is wrong with me?

I spend so much of my days riddled with anxiety and worry. I'm thinking that this is a relatively-new, serious problem for me. Please, let me know if you think otherwise. Honest. I'm curious.

In years past, I've never thought of myself as a worrier. My mom has the corner on the market in that area in my family. However, I've definitely declined in the area in, oh, I'd say, about the past 2 years or so. In my defense, some of it comes from my perfectionistic (is that a word?) tendencies and some comes from my undeniable desire to be viewed as a good person.

Curious what kinds of things tug at my brain? Here's one of the biggest things on the current list:

Lately, I seem unable to keep in touch with all the folks in my life. I have always prided myself in being a person that never lets go of friends, regardless of where life's road took them. I wrote letters, made phone calls, sent cards, & shot emails to folks all over. I don't like to lose people who ever mattered in my life. These days, I've let a precious college friend down because I haven't been to see her nor her new baby that was born in September. In fact, I haven't even spoken to her in months. Meanwhile, I don't talk to my closest friends on the phone much anymore. I miss my old roommate who is in Indiana, but I haven't even dialed her number. I haven't seen some of my other girlfriends in weeks or even months. And there's my dear woodworking friend! And my college buddy who throws the best parties! I am so out of touch. There have been new relationships, passing flings, almost breakups, new jobs, lost jobs, & maybe even broken fingernails for which I've just been on the sidelines. I used to be a better friend than this, didn't I? What's wrong with me? Yeah, life changes, people change.....we're all busy. However, I don't feel OK about it. I feel that I'm letting people down.....that I should be somewhere that I'm not.......that I should have called when I didn't. No, I haven't had the best health in the past year or so. I'm getting a handle on some of it, but some of it continues to challenge me daily. I'm tired of it.

Am I depressed again, I worry. Should I call my therapist? Or should I call my thyroid doc or the gyno or the general practitioner? Why can't I just relax? Is this all in my head, or are there really folks out there genuinely hurting because of me?

I know that my life has changed in the past year. I met the man of my dreams, and we moved in together just last month. We are so happy. I don't know how, but he knows just what to say when I'm freaking. I just hate that I do this to him........freak out, that is. He shugs it off, but he is so good to me that I wish that I was more....um, balanced.

Today, I chose to stay home from work because I hadn't read the paper in days, and I wanted to stay up late last night, and I needed to wash clothes, and I wanted to do exactly what *I* wanted to do. Mental health day, I guess, and I haven't had one in a long time. I have struggled for the past day or so to not just crawl in bed and cry. It just concerns me that things get to me like they do. I get SO overwhelmed by just general life stuff. I create this pressure within myself. No wonder I have IBS and migraines. So....maybe if I type a few things here, I'll feel better today.

Ms Carrboro, I miss you and I'm so happy that you found a job. Let's just you and me get together soon and get drunk.

Ms Indiana, I took out the recycling today and missed our old apartment. I think of you more than the numbers of emails that I send.

Ms BellydancingSister, I miss shaking my rump with you and hope all is well with the new roomie.

Ms AngelicFace, we still need to celebrate your birthday, just us two.

Ms MarriedOne, how long has it been? I miss you and Mr MarriedOne.

Ms Buffy, what I would do to be sitting on your porch sipping a nice glass of wine enjoying the lake and some Blossom Deary.

Mr Woodworker, I hear you have a roommate. What a deal soul, you are! I miss always being the first one to the bar with you.

Grandma, I'll call you soon.

***And, to all my other friends here and abroard in Philly & UK & Saudia Arabia, hello to you. I value your friendship too.***

For the record, I emailed that old college buddy to soften the shock of my calling her soon...............................

I'm trying. Sometimes, I just need to calm down and do one thing on my "list". I might read this post later and cringe because I poured out so much, but
that's me so I'm going to hit "post" now.

Love to all, snad

Aren't you glad that you aren't an earthworm?

I feel so sorry for the little fellas. As I walk across the parking lot at work, I see many fried worms on the sidewalk and asphalt. Aren't you glad that in your daily travels you don't *accidentally* find yourself in the middle of a freaking frying pan? Gees. What a way to go! I managed to save an earthworm the other day. Yep---I reached down, plucked him off the
sidewalk, and slung him in the grass. He must have been thinking "wtf?".

Note to my loyal readers: Thanks for your patience......and for your continued belief that I would post again. I will post an update later. I just had to start somewhere.

This is my last weekend in my favorite apartment ever, and that's not a slam to my former roommates and the places that we lived. I just really felt a connection to this old place, and I'll miss it.

So last night while Andrew was spending time with his mom who's in town, I enjoyed a quiet Friday night with Nikki. I talked on the phone a bit, made some lists of things-to-do, surfed the belly dancing sites, etc. About 9pm, I realized that I had never eaten so I decided to call in a take out order to my favorite middle eastern deli. Mmmmm. A fattoush salad & halloumi cheese, and I decided to try a side order of foule. Oh, and let's don't forget my burma dessert. YUM!

After picking up the food, I decided to get a six pack so I stopped at my favorite convenience store in the same shopping center. I got a parking space right in front, hopped out of the car, took about 3 steps, and................there *he* was. My most recent ex whom I haven't laid eyes on in 5 years and 2 months. He was inside the store shopping. My body went on autopilot cuz I don't remember even thinking about my next steps. I did a 360 and got right back in the car. It was then that I realized that my heart was racing and I was shaking. I moved the car across the parking lot and watched until he & some woman (probably his wife) came out the door.

Yep. It was him....and he looked like Grisly Adams. No lie. I mean, when I dated him, his hair was long, and he grew a beard at one point, but, holy cow, he was all hair last night. I watched them as they made their way down the sidewalk to the stairs and disappeared. Then, I went in the store and bought my 6 of my new favorite beer Blue Star and took myself on home.

Upon reflection, I know that my reaction was purely a "fight or flight" response. Well, baby, I flew!!!! Man, he is #2 on my list of never want to see you again. It wasn't that I looked bad last night either. I just don't care to exchange uncomfortable pleasantries with a man who BROKE MY HEART IN TWO while his wife stands by his side wondering who the heck I am. Ugh. Ugh.

Actually, I see it as sort of neat-o closure too. I mean, I'm done with him. I have been for about 2 years, but I find it sort of poetic that I finally see him after allllllllll this time, and I'm just getting ready to move in with a man who *does* love me & who *does* want to marry me & who *doesn't* mind meeting my family.

My dad was probably right. He'll "probably never amount to much".

Hi! I'm Snad. Remember me??? :^)

Thanks to my trusty readers who check this site every day. ....even though I haven't written in almost a month! I'm still averaging only 3 hits per day so I'd better get on the stick if I don't want to lose my audience!!!

A lot has been going on lately, the biggest of which is Andrew & I are moving in 2 weeks. Yep. Snad is shacking up. We found a new, 2 bed/2 bath apt that should be able to accomodate us, our stuff, the ferrets, and a geriatric cat. Needless to say, there will have to be some adjustments for us all, but I know that Andrew & I are meant to be so it'll all work out. It has too, dammit.

Speaking of ferrets: of course, we miss our ferretgirl Serina terribly. Sometimes, I'll be just doing my thing and something will remind me of her, and I'll just break down crying. Well, that's grief, isn't it? Kicks you in the butt when you least expect it.

Our ferretboys have adjusted well, I think, to Serina's absence. They have grown very close, and their antics are a great source of entertainment for Andrew & I. In fact, Max just figured out how to get outta his cage so I gotta go.

More later...........

Don't feel much like blogging. There's too much to say, and I don't feel like saying much of anything. Andrew & I lost our ferretgirl Serina on Friday night in a horrible accident. It all happened so fast, but it was unfortunately too late for us to do anything. She was gone. I was reminded how permanent death is. Seems silly, but I actually kept expecting the nightmare to end........and I still am but it hasn't.

Rest in peace, our dear sweet baby girl Serina. We had you only 5 months, but it seemed like so much longer. (Technically, she belonged to Andrew, but we consider all our animals to be joint-owned.) I will never forget the fact that it was Serina who presented me with my first Mother's Day card ever signed by her, Max, & Gandalf.

She was precious, and I'd do anything for her to bite my ankle again.

A quick search online yields the fact that snad is actually a Czech word.

Here's an online translator page and some definitions.......

snad = I dare say

snad = I daresay

snad = possibly

snad = perhaps

snad (nárecne) = happen

snad (zast.) = haply

snad (zast.) = perchance

snad (zvlášte USA) = maybe

So if you say, "I dare say, Snad!", you're being redundant.

Comments??? snadolicious@yahoo.com..........

Nineteen years. Wow. It has been nineteen years.......

Wednesday, April 27, 1983.......I was 15 and in the 9th grade. Ironically, it started off as a good day. Mom & I had recently gone shopping, and I had on my new white cotton pants and a mostly hot pink but also teal & white striped shirt. A very hip 80s outfit.....especially for me. I wasn't one of the popular kids. In biology in 1st period, even that stupid ole boy that paid so much attention to my beautiful friend Alissa told me that I looked nice that day. After school, my best friend Blaire & I laid out, and, then, I put on white shorts with my new "mostly hot pink but also teal & white striped shirt" and went to Wednesday night church.

A little history here: I was raised Southern Baptist and when I was a teenager was very active in the youth group. My friends & I were always doing something church-related (bible study, choir, retreats, handbells, musicals, mission trips, etc.) . So....on Wednesday nights, Mom & I would go to dinner at the church, and, then, to various activities.

So on this particular Wednesday night nineteen years ago, I was going through the serving line with my best friend at church, Jennifer. I remember I was holding a plate of beef tips on rice and getting my lemonade while church announcements were being made. Our associate pastor uddered the words that are burned in my memory:

"There's been a tragedy today; Tim Schlagenhauf was killed."

I don't remember how I made it through the next few minutes. I think that I went in to shock standing right there with my beef tips on rice & lemonade. Jennifer took the plate and cup outta my hands and somehow I ended up in the kitchen where my Mom was helping serve dinner. I remember screaming. Loud.

You see, I was in love with Tim, as much as a fifteen year old girl can be. I had taken him to my 8th grade Spring Dance and to the Sadie Hawkins dance just 3 mos prior to his death. We never kissed, and he never even held my hand. At church, we were buddies. He & his best friend Randy used to call me Lady Di and pick on me like teenaged boys do. The day that we buried Tim, his mom told me that he had really liked me but didn't want to be tied down. This probably was the first time that I learned that "COMMITMENT" is stamped on my forehead in invisible ink that only men can read. Even when I was 15, I came across as a girl that you settle down with.

Nineteen years.....and I'm still crying. I don't cry because I wish that I was with Tim now. I love Andrew with all my heart, and I don't wish away a moment that I've spent with him. When I cry, I cry for the fifteen year old girl whose heart was broken clean in two and who learned about death & grief in a way that would scar her for the rest of her life. I cry because I never kissed him. I cry because I never took a chance to tell him how I felt. Yeah, he knew, but I risked nothing really. I can be thankful that I took him to those dances. I have great pictures of us all dressed up. Me, trying so hard to look like Lady Di.

I wonder *how* exactly that Tim's death shaped who I am. Does it explain why I fear the death of those I love so much? Is it why I always wanted a younger man so statistically he wouldn't die before me? Could it possibly explain why I lie in bed worried that someone that I love will die and that I've left something unsaid? I wonder....

Anyway, I should drop his parents a note some time. I usually write to them around this time or at the holidays......just so they know that I haven't forgotten their son and I never will.

Happy Birthday to my dear, dear friend Rachel. I've had the pleasure of her friendship for nearly 10 years now, and she has redefined the word "friend" for me. She is the epitome of loyalty, grace, beauty, intelligence, & understanding....to name just a few of her attributes. She's a tower of strength when I need her. She's hip & wears killer clothes/shoes/boots. There is no way that I could name all the "gifts" that she has given me. A few examples: thanks to her, I know the joy of hearing Blossom Deary sing, I discovered a new spiritual path perfect for me, I learned what a "url" was and learned how to navigate the web long before it became so mainstream, and I learned to make good coffee.

She's the best, and I love her dearly.

****PMS Alert****

I am so tired. I feel like all I've been doing lately is running around. I can't remember the last time that I could truly relax and rejuvenate. Let's see how far back that I can remember what I did:

Last night, Wed: I went straight from work to have dinner with two dear girlfriends. Then, we shopped. I bought some great new sandals at Kohl's, and at World Market, I bought some purple bindi, wooden Hindu prayer hands, & two neat-o Banjara keychains. I got home around 9:15.

Tuesday: I flew home from work to water & feed Nikki, clean her box, pack a bag, and go to Andrew's. On the way, I stopped by Eckerd's to pick up some pictures that I had developed. The mysterious throw-away camera turned out to be the one that I used at a childhood friend's wedding almost 2 years ago!!! We did laundry for which I am eternally grateful, but that last trip up from the laundry room just about killed me. Stupid thyroid.

Monday: I went straight from work to the hospital to visit my grandmother who had knee replacement surgery last Friday. She looked great! I saw her 7 inches of staples. Unbelievable!! Her roommate turned out to be a lady that worked in the same building with Grandma when they both worked for the state. Small world.

Sunday: Andrew & I went to look at apartments after doing some research online. We ended up at the complex that we had visited several months ago to look at 1 bedrooms when he was looking to move at the end of his lease. They were really nice apartments, but he decided to go month-to-month where he is. Anyway, Sunday, we returned to see the 2 bedrooms. Amazing. My gut feeling kicked in before we even entered the office. I already knew we'd decide to live there. Monday at lunch, I returned to the office to submit our applications. With the 2 months' free special plus $500 off the first months' rent special plus the security deposit & admin fee waived because my employer is "preferred", I feel like we're robbing them. Depending on which unit becomes available, our rent will roughly be ~$800 which included washer/dryer rental and pet rent. We're on a waiting list for now, but moving day will be ~June 30.

After apartment hunting, I raced to a pal's house for our first ever troupe practice. Three girls from my original belly dancing class & I have decided to just get together on a regular basis and dance, share our belly dancing cd/music, etc, and just enjoy the company of other dancers. We had a blast! Leaving there about 7:30, I went on an hour long quest for 15v fuses for my apartment. I live in an old building so I don't have circuit breakers. I have old style fuses that screw in like a light bulb. Well, unfortunately, at 7:30/8ish pm on a Sunday night, the hardware store folks have all gone home. I went home fuseless and moved the other wall socket fuse to the empty outlet so I could log on and, then, moved it back before I went to bed. (My dad's words of wisdom? "Whatever you do, don't stick a penny in the hole. You run the risk of burning the house down." Never occurred to me to do that. Oh, and his other advice gem? "Don't stick your finger in the hole." Ok. Thanks, Dad.

Saturday: I woke up at my house, made a yummy pot of coffee with some Indiana brew my old roommie brought me last time that she was here and laid around with Nikki. In the earlier afternoon, I went to a FANTASTIC belly dancing workshop given by a local area troupe. I learned a lot (floreo, camel, ghawahzee, half moon, reach & sit, and a different take on several moves that I already knew. Then, the troupe performed 3 numbers for us. All this for just $20. It was so worth it. I went home, packed, and went to Andrew's. We went to the new mall for dinner and a little shopping. I bought a new cd by Miriam "Mother Africa" Makeba. I had never heard of her before, but the sound of her voice made me cry in the middle of Barnes & Noble. If you don't know who she is, find out.

Friday: I went straight to the hospital after work to see my grandmother who had had knee surgery that day. My mom & dad were there plus Mom's 7 brothers & sisters plus two brothers' wives. How many is that? 1...2....3..... TWELVE!!!! We had 12 people in a hospital room. Hee.

Typing this has helped me understand why I'm so tired. I should get off this stupid computer and go to bed early. I had to miss a dear friend's jewelry party tonight because I was having a PMS freakout. I was so looking forward to going so I could lay my eyes on several friends that I don't see that often these days, and that fact upsets me greatly. There just aren't enough hours in the day lately.

So if you're reading this and you are one of my friends (guy or gal), I miss you. Truly, I do, and I hope to see you soon....................

Well, I did it......finally.....on the *last* day.

Did what?....you're probably thinking.

I called 1-800-962-9862. Do you know what that number is? It's the number to call to reach WUNC 91.5 to pledge my support during their Spring fundraiser.

I love National Public Radio. I never thought I'd be so interested in the news and talk radio, in general, as I have become in the past few months. I was a die-hard Bob & Madison listener for ~6 years when Andrew came along. He wakes up to NPR, listens to it almost exclusively in the car, etc. Basically, being with him meant that I couldn't avoid NPR.

I had my chance to get on the NPR bandwagon much sooner actually. My dear friend Rachel listens to them religiously, and it is she that actually introduced me to it ~10 years ago. 10 years. I could have been listening for 10 years, instead of ~4 months. Silly me.

Thanks to NPR, I can now say that I know what is going on in the world. I've learned a lot in the past few months that I, too, have been an NPR junkie. For example, I can now actually say that I understand what is going on in Israel & Palestine. However, I've also learned about Southern dialects, an endangered woodpecker species, & the history of salt. I've benefited from the information that I got from People's Pharmacy. I've laughed my butt off at those crack-smokin' Car Talk guys and zany Michael Feldman & his silly show. And, I finally know what the heck all the hullabaloo was about when the book Lake Wobegon Days came out ~15 years ago when I was working at Ladds'. Lastly, I've fallen in love with David Brower, Carl Castle, Ann Taylor, Corey Flintoff, Leoneda Inge, Sylvia Pajolie, etc. (please, pardon my spellings.) and find that the sound of their voices is like the sound of a trusted friend.

So....thank you, NPR, for great programming. Here's my pledge. Now, give me my T-shirt.

My kitty Nikki are saddened tonight by the news that a dear friend's kitty, Meow Meow, passed over on Monday. I only got to see Meow Meow on 4 or 5 occasions, but she was an amazing 18 year old cat. She was a gentle soul, and I always so enjoyed seeing her when I visited my pal. It was comforting to see a geriatric cat be so spry.

As I sit looking down at my ageing, (few days shy of) 15 year old furball, I am sad for my friend but happy for Meow Meow that she had my friend to care for her. Lucky cat.

Good luck in your travels, Meow Meow. =^..^=

Gees. The past few days sure haven't been fun. Good news though. I went to work today and, by about 3pm, felt about 70% ok. It was nice to be back among the land of the living. Tonight, I feel nearly 100%, but I'm so stupid that I'm up late. Should be catching up on sleep.

Andrew & I are looking forward to this weekend. We're co-chairs for the ferret club's booth at the ren faire. We'd be there anyway, you know?

Tonight, we watched Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket" which is Andrew's favorite war movie....well, it was until we saw "We Were Soldiers" a few weeks ago. Anyway, in "FMJ", when Mathew Modine's character holds his dying friend, I swear I could feel his pain. Isn't that stupid?? How the heck should my non-veteran butt know ANYTHING about what a soldier feels when his buddy dies in his arms? I don't really have an answer for that. I just know that I feel a deep agony. It is no longer a movie to me. Suddenly, I feel the pain of all the soldiers in all the wars who were all so far from home and who became close to those they were fighting along side of, and then, had to hold their buddy in their arms as the life faded frrom his or her body.

Who do I think I am? Deanna Troy?

War sux.

Someone please shoot me. Sick Day #3 is not my get-better day. My temp hit an all time high of 101.2 earlier. Andrew has gone to get Nikki.

Sick Day #3:

Andrew has gone to work, and I am still at his house sick as a dog. He's promised me that we'll go get my cat if I'm too sick to go home today. I last saw her Sunday night around 9pm when I ran to my house to get my thermometer. (Andrew was burning up, and he didn't own a thermometer.) I know that Nikki is probably fine at home sleeping, but I never leave her for more than a day.

When I went by Sunday night, she was sitting in the front window sill and was so happy to see me. I sat with her a little while and, then,I topped off her food bowl, cleaned her litter box, and freshened her water. I hated leaving her again.......

Nikki's birthday is next week, and she'll be 15. I know that she's old, and her time to cross over is probably approaching, and I don't know what I'll do without her. It's really sad though that I'm so worried about losing her when she's still here, but I guess it's just that I don't want to know life without her.

She's the best, and if I can't stop feeling so groggy, I'm going home. Dammit.

(tried desparately to post this last night around 9:30pm, but Blogger was down.)

Wow.

Andrew & I just watched my dear friend get married on the internet in a Las Vegas chapel. Isn't technology grand? Congratulations, Chris & Kim!!!

In other news, I totally forgot to post that I was hired for the A/R Coordinator position with the company I've been temping with. I start April 15th which is really cool cuz the temp assignment ends April 12. The money is $3000 better than Hellhole, Inc paid me, and the benefits start right away.

Yippee!!!!

Excuse me. I'm going to go blow my nose for the 100th time today.

Comments? Write me at snadolicious@yahoo.com....

Being sick sux.

Funny quotes from SickFest 2002:

1) Andrew, picks up our ferret Max, holds him in the air and sings to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot":

"I'm a little ferret. My name is Max. This is my arm, and this is my other arm."

2) Andrew: "Do you want a cup of tea?"

Pathetic me: "No, I want my kit-ty."

Sorry---these might be you-had-to-be-there jokes.

Yesterday was his big day to be sick. Today is mine. I don't have much temp (99.4), but that's the highest that it's been, and I feel like crap.

Well, I never had time to blog this weekend. Now, it's Sunday night, and I'm not leaving Andrew's after all cuz he has a fever of 101, and mine is 99. At first, we thought it was just pollen crap, but now it seems that we have the flu. Poot. I'm boiling chicken to make chicken & rice for us to eat tomorrow. I really don't think that either of us will go to work. Ugh.

My sister & her two kids got back to Chicago yesterday, and my bro took himself and his crew back to SC. Being all together all day Friday was AWESOME, but I think Granddaddy had had enough ~Wednesday and was ready to have his house quiet again. :^)

Oh, I forgot! My parents celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary last Tuesday, and my brother and sis-in-law, their 14th. Amazing. I'm so happy and proud of them. This year, my sis will have been married 9 years. It's nice to know that some marrages stay together these days.

Well, I don't really have anything profound to say. I have a fever, you know.

Wow! I didn't know that it had been so long since I posted. :(

This is a quick note to let it be known that I'm fine. My sister is in town this week so I've been running back and forth between my apt, work, and my parents' house to visit with my sis and her two kids. I only get to see her about 1-2 times a year, and we are really close.

In other news, Andrew & I celebrated our 6th month anniversary of dating last Saturday. He's a good man, I tell you. If my bruised little heart could just believe it! I woke up that morning crying, having had a bad dream that he told me that he'd been cheating on me. I dreamed something similar the next night too. Fun, fun.

Well, that's all I have time for. I'll post more later.

Well, the past few days haven't been good neck days. What's new, right? I saw the chiro doc today, and he said that I pulled a muscle---he called it something that started with a T---and that it's common even among folks who con't have neck troubles on a regular basis. He did his adjustment and remarked that, over all, I'm doing a lot better. Yay. As for the muscle strain, it's a lot better than it was Sunday when I last posted. I thought that I was going to die Sunday. Basically, I sat on the couch with lots of pillows, and Nurse Andrew took care of me. I was actually able to play "Halo" which gave me something to do while I was immobilized.

Note: if you strain a muscle, you're supposed to apply ICE to it for the first 24 hours. I put heat on it which probably made it worse even though the heat felt good at the time.

In other news, I applied for an accounts receivable (a/r) position at the company that I'm temping for. A/R is the flip-side of what I did at Hellhole, Inc. which was accounts payable (a/p). I have no idea how much it pays, but, thanks to a current a/r employee who I worked with at a previous job, I do know that the job isn't super stressful.

Today, I had the nicest time at lunch. I treated myself to a yummy Big Angus sammich at Quizno's, and, then, I browsed around the Dollar Store. Why is the Dollar Store so much fun?? I bought a teapot-shaped, terra cotta thermometer, a dish drainer for the sink, and a lint remover for $3.20. How cool is that?

Meanwhile, I need to get home to my furchild. She's been really clingy lately. I'm so busy this week too. Tonight, I saw my therapist which was nearly a waste of time cuz I'm getting back to my pre-birth control pill, pre-hypothyroid, pre-digestive problem self more every day.

And, that is such a good thing.

Crap!

The past few days my neck has gotten progressively worse. I guess it started Thursday night after belly dancing. The past two nights haven't been good nights of sleep. Then, last night, I had to miss a friend's birthday dinner cuz my neck was *really* being a big jerk. Well, today takes the cake. I can't believe that I'm actually sitting at this computer to write this, but I guess that goes to show how addicted I am to blogging.

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling really stiff. After Andrew woke up, I rolled over to snuggle up to him, and *something* happened under my left shoulder blade. Really not sure what happened. I just know that I can't move in certain ways, and that it hurts REALLY @#$ing bad at times. I managed to take a really hot shower and I have my microwaveable heating friend (aka Bed Buddy), but I'm still really uncomfortable. Not sure if I'll be able to go to work tomorrow, and that's really bad. I can't even play video games cuz it tenses up so many muscles.

I think the movie that we saw Friday night caused most of this problem. We saw "We Were Soldiers", and it was awesome. I'll write more about the movie later, but, for now, suffice it to say that it contains a battle that lasts about an hour and a half. As my mother said, "You fought the battle with them, huh?" Yep. I did. I was right there in the trenches with Mel Gibson and Sam Elliott with my M-16. I think my shoulders stayed by my ears for the whole battle.

Ouch. Gotta go reheat Bed Buddy. This is *so* not what I wanted to do today.....writhe in pain, that is.

Comments? Write me at snadolicious@yahoo.com....

"Simplicity and clarity should be your theme in dress."

Yeah, right. What kind of a fortune cookie fortune is that? Is that what's wrong with me??? Is that my main problem on this planet....that I'm not a simple and clear dresser?

Whatever. ;P

How about some new colors? I'm trying to keep it easy to read so I couldn't pick the "fat kitty" template. =^..^= The font shows up too small. Also, I just set up a site meter. Yippee. Who'll be the first visitor??

Beware, folks.

In case you didn't know, it *is* possible to put too much oil in your car. I know cuz I did it last night........

The day had already been quite a challenge. I missed the whole day of work cuz I took a muscle relaxer Monday night before bed to relax several muscles so I could sleep. My doc prescribed them last year when my neck troubles surfaced. I hadn't taken a whole pill in quite some time. Oops. I was so groggy yesterday that I wasn't quite myself until about 2:30pm. I really couldn't afford to miss a whole day of work. There is no such thing as sick pay when you're a temp, you know. Ugh. Regardless, Nikki, Nubbie (my new teddy bear that Andrew bought me as a belated Christmas present last Sunday at Build-a-Bear at the mall), and I got a lot of rest.

Anyway, after finally getting myself together yesterday, I headed to Andrew's ~6:30pm. Lately, my car just hadn't been sounding right so I added some oil. Well, 2 quarts actually. It fit! How was I supposed to know that just because you can fit oil in a car doesn't mean it needs it?? I did it back in January too when my partner-in-crime and I left the mountains after attending a lovely wedding of two dear friends.

This time, a few blocks from my house, the car began to cough and sputter when I gave it gas. Spark plugs? Air in the tank? What the--? I called Andrew, and we discussed that possibilities. It seemed to be getting better as I went along so I decided to chance getting on 40. Dumb idea. My poor car wouldn't stay at a constant speed. As soon as I merged onto 40, I noticed a big, white cloud flowing behind me. I was burning oil so I pulled to the shoulder.

To my surprise, immediately, a transportation dept emergency vehicle pulled up behind me, flashing his lights. I WAS SAVED! :o) I told him the problem and confessed that I'd just put oil in. He checked the dipstick (what a novel idea!), and
I had WAY too much oil. Oops. He told me where a Jiffy Lube was, and that they'd probably stilll be open. I asked his name, and he gave me his card........Darrell "Heavy" Harris. He was as he sounds...........a LARGE man. He was an angel in my book.

At Jiffy Lube, they let 2 quarts surplus oil outta my car. I felt so dumb, but I swore that I'd pass my knowledge on.

CHECK THOSE DIPSTICKS, PEOPLE!

I woke up this morning and heard on NPR that today is the 6 month anniversary of 9/11. They were interviewing, what I heard later, was a Howard University professor of English who's wife Odessa was killed at the Pentagon. It was their 25th wedding anniversary, and she was only planning to be at the office a few hours. She never came home.

All of the sudden in the few moments that I was conscious, I was sad and didn't want to go to work. I don't really have a job, you know. It will end April 12. However, I mustn't let the panic set in. I have a month so I have time.....if I don't waste it. Andrew said a few sweet words that melted my "morning depression" away. He reminded me that I like the people that I work with, and the work isn't stressful, etc. How he did this, I have no idea cuz he was barely awake at 6:40am. That time isn't on his clock. :^) I grabbed my self by the seat of the pants and pulled myself outta bed.

On the way to work, I heard the rest of NPR's interview with Mr. Howard University Professor. I know that I'm hormonal right now due to my moontime, but I almost had to pull over when he explained that Odessa's robe that she discarded on the bedroom chair before dressing on 9/11 still lays where she put it. He hasn't been able to move *anything* of hers yet.

Sitting here now, I remember that feeling when Tim died (my 16 yo crush when I was 15). I kept every tissue that I wept on, the change that he gave me when I gave him a case quarter once, the Hot Tamalie candies that he gave me, the newspaper clippings of the single car accident that took his life, etc. as if keeping all those things would bring him back. I still have it all in a bag in M&D's attic. This April 27th, he will have been gone 19 years.

19 years. I can still hear his laugh........

Andrew & I went to check out the new mall today.

Wow!

Wow!

Wow!

Truthfully, I'm most excited about the layout. It's amazing.

The part known as Main St is outside, and it feels/looks like you're waliking down....well, a Main Street in Somewhereville. Nifty, colorful statues of people are scattered about, and there are several beautiful fountains. One of the funniest things that I saw today was a stone-faced policeman standing next to 3 knee-high duck statues with raincoats on. I wanted a camera so bad right then.

Inside the mall, there is a great variety of stores, but, again, it's the layout and design that facinated me. The mall is roughly X-shaped, but the legs aren't symetrical like malls that I'm used to. And, the store fronts are each unique, and they have chimneys!! Again, a nice Main Street feel.

For me, the whole experience was *made* by the entertainment in the middle of the mall at the junction of the legs of the X. As we came in the doors of the mall, there was an African-American dance group performing. I was mesmerized and fascinated watching the dancing and hearing the rhythmic drums. (The similariites to belly dancing was astounding.) There were 4 women dancers & 1 man dancer plus two drummers and 1 man who seemed to be the emcee, if you will. The costumes were typical, colorful African attire. After dancing a few numbers, the emcee invited folks outta the audience to join them on stage. He did a great job of picking a variety of folks (old white man, short Asian lady, black child, etc.). The audience folks stood behind the dancers and were to mimic their movements. It was the most beautiful thing that I've seen in a long time. I cried. I truly had tears in my eyes standing their watching those folks shake their stuff.

Unfortunately, Andrew & I were STARVING so we couldn't stand there forever so we moved on.......

Later, while passing by again, a group of tap dancers were tapping their thang when I spotted the emcee standing at the back of the audience. I told Andrew to hang on and approached him. When he turned, I told him how much I had enjoyed his troupe's dancing and that it had made me cry cuz it was the most beautiful thing to see folks of all colors and sizes dancing together with such joy. He hugged me! Then, I asked about his group, and he said they were from Durham and were known as The African-American Dance Essemble. I stammered, searching for the name of the Durham group that I'd been wanting to see for years. I looked right in the emcee's eyes and said that I thought the man's name was Chuck who also had an African-American dance group. His reply was simple.

"That's me," he said.

Andrew approached, and Chuck hugged him too. As we said our goodbyes, I noticed that Chuck now had tears in his eyes too.

I later explained to Andrew that the reason that the dancing made me cry was because all those people dancing together was how I wished that the world would be. Why can't we just get along? It's beautiful.

Comments? Write me at snadolicious@yahoo.com....

From one of those pass-around emails that I won't fill my friends' inboxes with, but I'll post it here. It really spoke to me about focusing on what's important. Now, if I could just do that:


SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"hi"

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

A dear friend decided that I needed a patron saint to help me since I'm so afflicted. :O) Hee. This is who she found for me. I am definitely a "possessed person".

More later.......

Update from Snadville:

I'm doing pretty darn good, thank you. Lately, I've kind of decided to take the bull by the horns and just *decide* to not feel sick anymore. Heh. Easier said than done, I tell you. I sincerely believe that the stress of that last job at Hellhole, Inc. really took a toll on me, physically & mentally. I'm struggling now to get a handle on my various ailments, eat better, exercise, and keep a good mental attitude. That's a lot to do at once, but I'm trying to take each day one day at a time. Throughout my lifetime, I have always been overwhelmed by physical or mental "piles" of stuff to do so I'm trying to take tiny bites right now.

Neato thing happened this morning: I was in the shower, and my shower is one of those rare showers that has a window. I can't really see out it cuz I keep the blinds down, and there are bottles of various shampoos, shower gels, and such on the sill at eye level. As I was cleaning my parts, I distinctly heard a dove cooing. You know...the sound that sounds like an owl but isn't?? It was sitting its little feathery butt on my window sill, singing a tune and was, like, 8 inches from my nose. I could just see it under the edge of the blinds. The only reason that I knew that it was there was, well, it was a loud bird at 7am. I hate that Nikkasaurus missed it. She would have come unglued with a bird right outside the window.

In other important matters: At 34yo, it's really late for me to just be discovering the yumminess of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, but, well, I confess that I have *just* started eating them regularly. As a child, I remember Mom making us peanut butter crackers. I used to just lick the pb off. Didn't like the smooshiness of the pb along with the crispness of the cracker. I don't remember Mom packing pbj sandwiches in my lunch box either.....probably cuz I didn't like them. (Mainly, I remember sandwiches with thin-sliced, A&P sandwich meat.) Much later in life, my dear friend (aka partner-in-crime in an earlier post) who was also my roommate for several years ate lots of pbj sandwiches. I still had no taste for them. Then, several weeks back when I first became unemployed I think, I ate a pbj sandwich that I found in Andrew's fridge while he was at work. (I felt bad eating his food when he wasn't home so I tried to eat leftovers and such. Of course, he told me that I was being silly and could eat anything that I wanted.) Anyway, he had obviously made the sandwich for some reason and, then, never ate it. Even though the bread was slightly stale, the sandwich made me REALLY happy. On my last shopping trip, I bought my first jar of pb (Lowes Foods crunchy) and a jar of grape jelly (also Lowes Foods brand). Today, I brought my lunch so I could eat at my desk and make up the hour that I'm short this week since I saw the chiro yesterday. The best part is pbj sandwiches are cheap, and I'm all about cheap these days.

Comments? Write me at snadolicious@yahoo.com....

Did you hear the lightening strike today? Yep. I worked out. Me? Yes, me. Andrew & I have both decided to get more exercise so we did wash and worked out in his apt complex's weight training room. It was really nice. If I can remember to bring my bathing suit, I can even swim in the indoor pool. Today, I rode the bike for about 10 minutes, walked on the tread mill for about 10 minutes, and, then, did various other machines. All the while, the tv was showing "Waterworld". It didn't look like a bad movie. Why the hell did a lot of critics hate it so much?

So I tried and tried and tried to log on and post last night, but blogger was down, I guess. Basically, I wanted to say one thing. Yesterday was Andrew's & my 5 month anniversary.

I laid in bed this morning next to his sweet, sleeping self and thought about how many guys with which I had actually made it through 5 straight months out of the gate. Not many. Most guys whack out after 2-6 mos and say they wanna see other people or they're just not sure what they wanna do. Yeah, whatever. I think that I've found some sort of guy meter (for me, at least) cuz the guys that stayed with me (and me with them) for 5+ mos were *good* men. They treated me well.....for the most part. Then, again, yesterday, and every day of the last 5 months has NOT been about any others. Today, I write about my dear, sweet Andrew. (And, I must warn you. The sicky-sweet factor will be high on this post.)

We went to dinner last night just for the heck of it cuz we actually plan to celebrate our anniversary next weekend. Last week was just not a typical week for us, and, for various reasons, we weren't quite ready to celebrate. I wanted to get a few things from the mall for him, and because I was either *with* him or at my pad getting ready for the jewelry party, the weekend snuck up on me. He admitted that he wouldn't mind moving the celebration until next weekend. So, it's officially moved.

Gees. I can be wordy, can't I? The actually celebration of our anniversary is *so* not my point of this post. However, this is my blog so I guess that I can post whatever I want to. ;P

Anyway.

I wanna say something really nice about Andrew in today's blog. I'm just gonna write off the top of head....which is what I usually do anyway. I'm just not sure how to adequate explain how wonderful he is and how to express what my life has been like since he came into it.

Before Andrew came along, I had managed to become comfortable with my singleness. I had my own cool pad with my sweet furchild and the greatest friends with which to run about and play. The *best* friends in fact. Just last year about this time, I started going out a lot.....probably more than I'd ever gone out in my life. The important part was that I was really having fun. My main partner-in-crime & I met new, fun people, and I really started to feel like I belonged somewhere. I even finally had a crush on someone. Damn---I think I went several YEARS without having a crush so it was nice. I felt alive again and felt that the depression of the late 90s was so behind me.

Thanks to a dear friend, I met Andrew in May. I remember his beautiful eyes and the intelligent way that he spoke that night, but I just didn't even think of him as a potential boyfriend cuz he was/is 12 years younger than me. I guess I figured that I was just too old for him. What would we have in common anyway?

When I found out that he liked me, thanks again to the dear friend that introduced us, I decided to take a chance. I am always such a chickenbutt when it comes to boys....always have been. I guess that I'm so scared of rejection and making things all weird. Somehow, I found the courage to just email him and say "hey" and ask what was going on in his world since 9/11. Bam! the emailing began........

After a week of emailing, we met for dinner (5 mos and a day ago) at his favorite Irish restaurant. The food was great, and the conversation didn't stop. Of course, there were those uncomfortable silences, but silences are only uncomfortable when you're nervous. Hee. Truthfully, what struck me was that it felt *so right* to be with him. It was a new, strange feeling, and I later learned that it was mutual.

You know? I could detail the whole past 5 mos, if I put my mind to it, but I
guess that I want to point out a few things and wind this up......

It's really weird to just meet someone, look at them, and realize that *they* are
who you've waited your whole life for. "Where the *&^% have you been?", I wanted to ask him.

Truthfully, the time was right for us to come together last year when we did. If we'd have met when I started my dating life, he would have been 4. Heh. In later years when I wouldn't be thrown under the jail for dating him, he would have found me utterly depressed and undesirable, I would imagine. Then, I needed time after coming outta my depression to get myself together and live life again. After that is when he came along. Perfect timing, I say.

A few things that I love about him:

He makes me laugh.
He knows just the right things to say.
He tells me I'm "cute" and "pretty".
He wants to spend time with me....nearly all the time actually.
He likes my cat.....well, for the most part. He thinks we're both freaks, and we are. =^..^=
He wants the same things in life that I do (good job, someone to love and love completely, kids, a nice house, etc.).
He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
He's not ashamed/resistant to introduce me to family/friends, and he's not ashamed/resistant to meeting mine.
He makes his bed, cleans up after himself, cooks, and is a great sometimes-roommate.
He's apparently crazy about me. He listens and truly tries to help or comfort.
His political beliefs are similar to mine, and so are his religious views.
He loves dressing up and going to Ren Faires.
He likes science fiction, plays D&D, and has great taste in movies.

I could go on and on, but I don't even know how to say what I'm trying to say unless I'm saying it in the middle of all these words.

I love him with all my heart and body and soul. He is truly my partner in this lifetime and I'm so thankful that he came into my life and in many ways has carried me through the last 5 mos. My hope is that I can be there for him like he has been there for me. I hope to be the girlfriend that he always wanted like he has been the boyfriend that I've always wanted. I hope to give him beautiful children one day with beautiful eyes like his.

Interesting day.

1) Today, at my temp job, I spent the better part of the morning updating/organizing tax manuals. The funny thing is that in the summer of '82 when I was 14, I did the *same freaking thing* at Global Software where my sister worked in her college summers and where she became employed after graduation. They paid me $4 an hour which was a fortune cuz minimum wage was $3.35. I also shredded paper for the accounting dept. So...here I am, 20 years later (did I just say "20 years"?) updating tax manuals again and making the best $$ that I've ever made. Maybe there's $$ in doing this full time. Maybe I should become a Tax Manual Updater. Something to think about.

2) My temp boss took me and the girl that I've been working with in the tax dept to lunch today. Apparently, they want to keep me after April 12, but no promises yet. I would *so love* to stay here. Keep your fingers crossed, please. I guess that I would be the admin asst for the tax dept....which wouldn't be bad if the $$ stays the same.....and maybe I would have the time/desire to go to school. The question is should I go for massage therapy or accounting? Again, something to think about.

Well, I'm outta here. Going to go home and do some stuff.

Guess what? I emailed the HR asst Monday night and found out that they send insurance changes/enrollments, etc to BCBS twice a month. My paperwork was mailed yesterday which means that, basically, I paid $246.50 for a whole month of nothing because the really important drs appts that I had to go had to be cancelled. They wouldn't see me without being able to verify my current policy!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!

In other news, life is just fine. My temp job is wonderful. I don't even care what they give me to do. They are paying me a ridiculous amount of $$. Well, it's more than I've ever made. I stood at the copier today and made so many copies that my feet hurt. Ouch.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream is yummy. I had some after dinner tonight, and it made me very happy.

I forgot to mention something when I drunkenly posted my first post last Saturday night. When I talked to my former coworker, I found out something very interesting. You see---I was *very* close to the girls that I worked with at that hellhole. In fact, at one time, I didn't want to leave the job cuz I didn't want to leave them. After I started getting sick around Sept/Oct, I noticed a change in them (mainly my three closest friends). I thought it was my imagination cuz the birth control pill was wacking my emotions so bad, and I thought that everybody was mad at me back then. I told them what was going on with me so they knew all about my developing health problems.

A few weeks before I left, I did find out that one of the ladies was indeed mad at me, but we got that all straigtened out. (She had apparently began to resent the fact that part of her job was to help me on Fridays, and she began to take it out on me. Whatever. I just couldn't believe that she didn't try to talk to me about it or, at least, admit it when I asked her what was wrong. ) Here's the big news that I learned Saturday: I found out the other two girls were convinced that my boyfriend....my sweet Andrew!!!...was responsible for my mood changes. Not my thyroid. Not the birth control pills. Not the unexplained digestive ailment. No, they thought that my sweet, flower-giving, everlastingly-supportive boyfriend who has held me countless times while I cried and has endured my many PMS-y freakouts was responsible for the "change" in me. It is so ludicrous that I still can't believe it. When I asked her why they didn't confront me, she said that they didn't think that it would do any good cuz I was so love-struck. When I mentioned that I had told them about my health problems' effect on me, she replied that they just didn't believe it was the cause. Her only explanation was that since I started to change about the time that I started dating Andrew, they just decided that he was the cause. WHAT?!?!? But, at the same time, I *also* found out my thyroid was wonky, started taking the pill, developed a digestive ailment, etc.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What about that?!?!?! Huh?!?!? Then, she also admited that they grew to hate hearing his name leave my lips. Now, I understand why they were all so weird at the holiday party. What kind of friend would think like that? What kind of friend would admit that they hated your boyfriend just cuz they had some *theory* that he must have somehow changed you, IN SPITE OF HOW WONDERFUL HE TREATS YOU? Whatever. I have enough friends. I don't need them.

Here's to all my *good* friends! You know who you are!

This is ridiculous!! I was fired 1/25/02. I sent in my first $246.50 (!!!) cobra payment on 2/6/02. My policy still isn't current at BCBS. Wanna know what I think?? I think that lousy HR dept dragged their feet when it came to submitting my paperwork to BCBS. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they still haven't sent it. I need to go to the doctor, you know??

BTW, I have the best boyfriend in the world. I've been sicker in the past 5 mos than I ever have been in my 34 years. I hate it cuz I wish that I could be a healthy, sane girlfriend for him. He's been wonderful. He totally supports me and just wants me to get better.

So in recent months, I've battled and, in some cases, am still battling, several ailments.....several of which affect the emotions. Ugh. Not fun. I swear, some days, I've wondered if my dumb, ole' depression was returning. The scary fact is my sometimes-weepy moods are probably caused by my lazy thyroid.

Hmph! My thyroid? Really? But, the doctor said when she diagnosed me that hypothyroidism was no biggie and that I'd "just have to take a pill" for the rest of my life and everything would be fine. WRONG! A little research online and a great People's Pharmacy show last week on NPR and I've learned, for one thing, that having a thyroid condition can affect every freaking part of your body! Hello!!! You would think that they would have given me a little more info back in October when I found out that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was more than 3x the normal amount!!!! Gees.

So...it has been quite a relief to find out that wacky thyroids can cause PMS-y like symptoms. I've certainly had my share in the past few months. Andrew should be sainted for putting up with me.

Please, see a doctor for a simple blood test, if you have these symptoms (source: Mayo Clinic):

* Increased sensitivity to cold.
* Constipation.
* Pale, dry skin.
* A puffy face.
* Hoarse voice.
* Elevated blood cholesterol levels.
* Unexplained weight gain. Many people attribute their weight gain to an underactive thyroid, but this is only true in a small percentage of cases. Hypothyroidism will rarely cause you to gain more than 10 to 20 pounds — most of which is fluid.
* Heavier than normal menstrual periods.
* Depression.


There is also hyperthyroidism. Here are the symptoms for
it:
* Sudden weight loss, although appetite may increase
* Rapid or irregular heartbeat or pounding of the heart
* Nervousness, irritability, tremor
* Sweating
* Changes in menstrual patterns
* Increased sensitivity to heat
* Changes in bowel patterns, especially more frequent bowel movements
* Swelling at the base of the neck, an enlargement of the thyroid known as goiter
* Fatigue, muscle weakness
* Difficulty sleeping

Back in '98/'99, my cat was hyperthyroid. I sent her to Carrboro's Animal Hospital for radiation iodine treatment, and she was cured. How weird/lucky is that?

Erf. Just got back from brunch with some buddies. I think that I ate everything that wasn't nailed down. It was yummy though. Now, I kind of want a nap, but I need to clean up the house and ferry (ha! I almost typed ferret!) Nikki back to my pad and get her settled. I just think that when Andrew gets home tonight that he'd like to let his ferrets have the run of the house. With Nikki here, the bedroom is off limits to them, and they just *love* his bedroom. Lots of interesting stuff to crawl on/behind/in to explore.

Yay! Andrew's coming home. Everytime that I realize that he's coming home tonight I get excited all over again. Hee.

You know? This blog thing is a weird, new thing for me. I swear that I feel performance anxiety about posting here. I don't really have anything *that* exciting to say. It's really just stuff off the top of my head, you know?

Yay!

My darling Andrew comes home tonight from NY. What a long 4 days, it has been!!! :^| And, we were apart for V-Day too. Truthfully, I'm used to being alone on V-Day so it wasn't *that* bad. We're going to celebrate later along with our 5 mos anniversary anyway. Oops--I forgot to buy him a card, and I'm sure that they're all gone now. Where is my head sometimes?

Finally. My own place to post stuff on the web.

I must admit that I'm a little tipsy right now, and the font on my boyfriend's machine is a little small so typos might be frequent.

The biggest news of the day for me? I finally talked to one of the coworker girls from the job I was just fired from in January. Apparently, they were told that my departure was a mutual decision. Yeah, right. Whatever. After 1 1/2 years on the job, you don't let an employee go without a clear reason. (Well, in this state, you *can* actually let someone go without a clear reason so I guess that I mean that you *shouldn't* let someone go without a clear reason. At least, not in snadville.) I was told by that bitch hr woman that I was being fired not because of a performance issue & not because they didn't like me.....but because it "just wasn't working out". What the hell does that mean? I had never been written up at work, and my evaluation was good.

Now, that I've had ~3 weeks to think on it, I believe that they let me go because of medical claims. During my tenure at that hellhole, I developed neck/shoulder problems, nearly constant burning/tingling in arms & legs, wrist pain, and, then, 5 months of yet-to be-explained diarrhea. Yipee. Two days before I was fired, I told my boss that I had several upcoming medical procedures that would cause me to be out two separate days. Then, I mentioned that I'd like to talk to him about my job since I was experiencing health problems that would affect how much I would be able to work in the upcoming weeks. He replied that we should have a conference on Friday. Well, on Friday, they fired me.

Truly, it was a blessing in disguise. My dear friend said "Congratulations!" when she saw me the day that I was fired, and that about summed it up.

More later......