All of the sudden in the few moments that I was conscious, I was sad and didn't want to go to work. I don't really have a job, you know. It will end April 12. However, I mustn't let the panic set in. I have a month so I have time.....if I don't waste it. Andrew said a few sweet words that melted my "morning depression" away. He reminded me that I like the people that I work with, and the work isn't stressful, etc. How he did this, I have no idea cuz he was barely awake at 6:40am. That time isn't on his clock. :^) I grabbed my self by the seat of the pants and pulled myself outta bed.
On the way to work, I heard the rest of NPR's interview with Mr. Howard University Professor. I know that I'm hormonal right now due to my moontime, but I almost had to pull over when he explained that Odessa's robe that she discarded on the bedroom chair before dressing on 9/11 still lays where she put it. He hasn't been able to move *anything* of hers yet.
Sitting here now, I remember that feeling when Tim died (my 16 yo crush when I was 15). I kept every tissue that I wept on, the change that he gave me when I gave him a case quarter once, the Hot Tamalie candies that he gave me, the newspaper clippings of the single car accident that took his life, etc. as if keeping all those things would bring him back. I still have it all in a bag in M&D's attic. This April 27th, he will have been gone 19 years.
19 years. I can still hear his laugh........