Update from Snadville:

I'm doing pretty darn good, thank you. Lately, I've kind of decided to take the bull by the horns and just *decide* to not feel sick anymore. Heh. Easier said than done, I tell you. I sincerely believe that the stress of that last job at Hellhole, Inc. really took a toll on me, physically & mentally. I'm struggling now to get a handle on my various ailments, eat better, exercise, and keep a good mental attitude. That's a lot to do at once, but I'm trying to take each day one day at a time. Throughout my lifetime, I have always been overwhelmed by physical or mental "piles" of stuff to do so I'm trying to take tiny bites right now.

Neato thing happened this morning: I was in the shower, and my shower is one of those rare showers that has a window. I can't really see out it cuz I keep the blinds down, and there are bottles of various shampoos, shower gels, and such on the sill at eye level. As I was cleaning my parts, I distinctly heard a dove cooing. You know...the sound that sounds like an owl but isn't?? It was sitting its little feathery butt on my window sill, singing a tune and was, like, 8 inches from my nose. I could just see it under the edge of the blinds. The only reason that I knew that it was there was, well, it was a loud bird at 7am. I hate that Nikkasaurus missed it. She would have come unglued with a bird right outside the window.

In other important matters: At 34yo, it's really late for me to just be discovering the yumminess of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, but, well, I confess that I have *just* started eating them regularly. As a child, I remember Mom making us peanut butter crackers. I used to just lick the pb off. Didn't like the smooshiness of the pb along with the crispness of the cracker. I don't remember Mom packing pbj sandwiches in my lunch box either.....probably cuz I didn't like them. (Mainly, I remember sandwiches with thin-sliced, A&P sandwich meat.) Much later in life, my dear friend (aka partner-in-crime in an earlier post) who was also my roommate for several years ate lots of pbj sandwiches. I still had no taste for them. Then, several weeks back when I first became unemployed I think, I ate a pbj sandwich that I found in Andrew's fridge while he was at work. (I felt bad eating his food when he wasn't home so I tried to eat leftovers and such. Of course, he told me that I was being silly and could eat anything that I wanted.) Anyway, he had obviously made the sandwich for some reason and, then, never ate it. Even though the bread was slightly stale, the sandwich made me REALLY happy. On my last shopping trip, I bought my first jar of pb (Lowes Foods crunchy) and a jar of grape jelly (also Lowes Foods brand). Today, I brought my lunch so I could eat at my desk and make up the hour that I'm short this week since I saw the chiro yesterday. The best part is pbj sandwiches are cheap, and I'm all about cheap these days.

Comments? Write me at snadolicious@yahoo.com....

Did you hear the lightening strike today? Yep. I worked out. Me? Yes, me. Andrew & I have both decided to get more exercise so we did wash and worked out in his apt complex's weight training room. It was really nice. If I can remember to bring my bathing suit, I can even swim in the indoor pool. Today, I rode the bike for about 10 minutes, walked on the tread mill for about 10 minutes, and, then, did various other machines. All the while, the tv was showing "Waterworld". It didn't look like a bad movie. Why the hell did a lot of critics hate it so much?

So I tried and tried and tried to log on and post last night, but blogger was down, I guess. Basically, I wanted to say one thing. Yesterday was Andrew's & my 5 month anniversary.

I laid in bed this morning next to his sweet, sleeping self and thought about how many guys with which I had actually made it through 5 straight months out of the gate. Not many. Most guys whack out after 2-6 mos and say they wanna see other people or they're just not sure what they wanna do. Yeah, whatever. I think that I've found some sort of guy meter (for me, at least) cuz the guys that stayed with me (and me with them) for 5+ mos were *good* men. They treated me well.....for the most part. Then, again, yesterday, and every day of the last 5 months has NOT been about any others. Today, I write about my dear, sweet Andrew. (And, I must warn you. The sicky-sweet factor will be high on this post.)

We went to dinner last night just for the heck of it cuz we actually plan to celebrate our anniversary next weekend. Last week was just not a typical week for us, and, for various reasons, we weren't quite ready to celebrate. I wanted to get a few things from the mall for him, and because I was either *with* him or at my pad getting ready for the jewelry party, the weekend snuck up on me. He admitted that he wouldn't mind moving the celebration until next weekend. So, it's officially moved.

Gees. I can be wordy, can't I? The actually celebration of our anniversary is *so* not my point of this post. However, this is my blog so I guess that I can post whatever I want to. ;P

Anyway.

I wanna say something really nice about Andrew in today's blog. I'm just gonna write off the top of head....which is what I usually do anyway. I'm just not sure how to adequate explain how wonderful he is and how to express what my life has been like since he came into it.

Before Andrew came along, I had managed to become comfortable with my singleness. I had my own cool pad with my sweet furchild and the greatest friends with which to run about and play. The *best* friends in fact. Just last year about this time, I started going out a lot.....probably more than I'd ever gone out in my life. The important part was that I was really having fun. My main partner-in-crime & I met new, fun people, and I really started to feel like I belonged somewhere. I even finally had a crush on someone. Damn---I think I went several YEARS without having a crush so it was nice. I felt alive again and felt that the depression of the late 90s was so behind me.

Thanks to a dear friend, I met Andrew in May. I remember his beautiful eyes and the intelligent way that he spoke that night, but I just didn't even think of him as a potential boyfriend cuz he was/is 12 years younger than me. I guess I figured that I was just too old for him. What would we have in common anyway?

When I found out that he liked me, thanks again to the dear friend that introduced us, I decided to take a chance. I am always such a chickenbutt when it comes to boys....always have been. I guess that I'm so scared of rejection and making things all weird. Somehow, I found the courage to just email him and say "hey" and ask what was going on in his world since 9/11. Bam! the emailing began........

After a week of emailing, we met for dinner (5 mos and a day ago) at his favorite Irish restaurant. The food was great, and the conversation didn't stop. Of course, there were those uncomfortable silences, but silences are only uncomfortable when you're nervous. Hee. Truthfully, what struck me was that it felt *so right* to be with him. It was a new, strange feeling, and I later learned that it was mutual.

You know? I could detail the whole past 5 mos, if I put my mind to it, but I
guess that I want to point out a few things and wind this up......

It's really weird to just meet someone, look at them, and realize that *they* are
who you've waited your whole life for. "Where the *&^% have you been?", I wanted to ask him.

Truthfully, the time was right for us to come together last year when we did. If we'd have met when I started my dating life, he would have been 4. Heh. In later years when I wouldn't be thrown under the jail for dating him, he would have found me utterly depressed and undesirable, I would imagine. Then, I needed time after coming outta my depression to get myself together and live life again. After that is when he came along. Perfect timing, I say.

A few things that I love about him:

He makes me laugh.
He knows just the right things to say.
He tells me I'm "cute" and "pretty".
He wants to spend time with me....nearly all the time actually.
He likes my cat.....well, for the most part. He thinks we're both freaks, and we are. =^..^=
He wants the same things in life that I do (good job, someone to love and love completely, kids, a nice house, etc.).
He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
He's not ashamed/resistant to introduce me to family/friends, and he's not ashamed/resistant to meeting mine.
He makes his bed, cleans up after himself, cooks, and is a great sometimes-roommate.
He's apparently crazy about me. He listens and truly tries to help or comfort.
His political beliefs are similar to mine, and so are his religious views.
He loves dressing up and going to Ren Faires.
He likes science fiction, plays D&D, and has great taste in movies.

I could go on and on, but I don't even know how to say what I'm trying to say unless I'm saying it in the middle of all these words.

I love him with all my heart and body and soul. He is truly my partner in this lifetime and I'm so thankful that he came into my life and in many ways has carried me through the last 5 mos. My hope is that I can be there for him like he has been there for me. I hope to be the girlfriend that he always wanted like he has been the boyfriend that I've always wanted. I hope to give him beautiful children one day with beautiful eyes like his.

Interesting day.

1) Today, at my temp job, I spent the better part of the morning updating/organizing tax manuals. The funny thing is that in the summer of '82 when I was 14, I did the *same freaking thing* at Global Software where my sister worked in her college summers and where she became employed after graduation. They paid me $4 an hour which was a fortune cuz minimum wage was $3.35. I also shredded paper for the accounting dept. So...here I am, 20 years later (did I just say "20 years"?) updating tax manuals again and making the best $$ that I've ever made. Maybe there's $$ in doing this full time. Maybe I should become a Tax Manual Updater. Something to think about.

2) My temp boss took me and the girl that I've been working with in the tax dept to lunch today. Apparently, they want to keep me after April 12, but no promises yet. I would *so love* to stay here. Keep your fingers crossed, please. I guess that I would be the admin asst for the tax dept....which wouldn't be bad if the $$ stays the same.....and maybe I would have the time/desire to go to school. The question is should I go for massage therapy or accounting? Again, something to think about.

Well, I'm outta here. Going to go home and do some stuff.

Guess what? I emailed the HR asst Monday night and found out that they send insurance changes/enrollments, etc to BCBS twice a month. My paperwork was mailed yesterday which means that, basically, I paid $246.50 for a whole month of nothing because the really important drs appts that I had to go had to be cancelled. They wouldn't see me without being able to verify my current policy!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!

In other news, life is just fine. My temp job is wonderful. I don't even care what they give me to do. They are paying me a ridiculous amount of $$. Well, it's more than I've ever made. I stood at the copier today and made so many copies that my feet hurt. Ouch.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream is yummy. I had some after dinner tonight, and it made me very happy.

I forgot to mention something when I drunkenly posted my first post last Saturday night. When I talked to my former coworker, I found out something very interesting. You see---I was *very* close to the girls that I worked with at that hellhole. In fact, at one time, I didn't want to leave the job cuz I didn't want to leave them. After I started getting sick around Sept/Oct, I noticed a change in them (mainly my three closest friends). I thought it was my imagination cuz the birth control pill was wacking my emotions so bad, and I thought that everybody was mad at me back then. I told them what was going on with me so they knew all about my developing health problems.

A few weeks before I left, I did find out that one of the ladies was indeed mad at me, but we got that all straigtened out. (She had apparently began to resent the fact that part of her job was to help me on Fridays, and she began to take it out on me. Whatever. I just couldn't believe that she didn't try to talk to me about it or, at least, admit it when I asked her what was wrong. ) Here's the big news that I learned Saturday: I found out the other two girls were convinced that my boyfriend....my sweet Andrew!!!...was responsible for my mood changes. Not my thyroid. Not the birth control pills. Not the unexplained digestive ailment. No, they thought that my sweet, flower-giving, everlastingly-supportive boyfriend who has held me countless times while I cried and has endured my many PMS-y freakouts was responsible for the "change" in me. It is so ludicrous that I still can't believe it. When I asked her why they didn't confront me, she said that they didn't think that it would do any good cuz I was so love-struck. When I mentioned that I had told them about my health problems' effect on me, she replied that they just didn't believe it was the cause. Her only explanation was that since I started to change about the time that I started dating Andrew, they just decided that he was the cause. WHAT?!?!? But, at the same time, I *also* found out my thyroid was wonky, started taking the pill, developed a digestive ailment, etc.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What about that?!?!?! Huh?!?!? Then, she also admited that they grew to hate hearing his name leave my lips. Now, I understand why they were all so weird at the holiday party. What kind of friend would think like that? What kind of friend would admit that they hated your boyfriend just cuz they had some *theory* that he must have somehow changed you, IN SPITE OF HOW WONDERFUL HE TREATS YOU? Whatever. I have enough friends. I don't need them.

Here's to all my *good* friends! You know who you are!

This is ridiculous!! I was fired 1/25/02. I sent in my first $246.50 (!!!) cobra payment on 2/6/02. My policy still isn't current at BCBS. Wanna know what I think?? I think that lousy HR dept dragged their feet when it came to submitting my paperwork to BCBS. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they still haven't sent it. I need to go to the doctor, you know??

BTW, I have the best boyfriend in the world. I've been sicker in the past 5 mos than I ever have been in my 34 years. I hate it cuz I wish that I could be a healthy, sane girlfriend for him. He's been wonderful. He totally supports me and just wants me to get better.

So in recent months, I've battled and, in some cases, am still battling, several ailments.....several of which affect the emotions. Ugh. Not fun. I swear, some days, I've wondered if my dumb, ole' depression was returning. The scary fact is my sometimes-weepy moods are probably caused by my lazy thyroid.

Hmph! My thyroid? Really? But, the doctor said when she diagnosed me that hypothyroidism was no biggie and that I'd "just have to take a pill" for the rest of my life and everything would be fine. WRONG! A little research online and a great People's Pharmacy show last week on NPR and I've learned, for one thing, that having a thyroid condition can affect every freaking part of your body! Hello!!! You would think that they would have given me a little more info back in October when I found out that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was more than 3x the normal amount!!!! Gees.

So...it has been quite a relief to find out that wacky thyroids can cause PMS-y like symptoms. I've certainly had my share in the past few months. Andrew should be sainted for putting up with me.

Please, see a doctor for a simple blood test, if you have these symptoms (source: Mayo Clinic):

* Increased sensitivity to cold.
* Constipation.
* Pale, dry skin.
* A puffy face.
* Hoarse voice.
* Elevated blood cholesterol levels.
* Unexplained weight gain. Many people attribute their weight gain to an underactive thyroid, but this is only true in a small percentage of cases. Hypothyroidism will rarely cause you to gain more than 10 to 20 pounds — most of which is fluid.
* Heavier than normal menstrual periods.
* Depression.


There is also hyperthyroidism. Here are the symptoms for
it:
* Sudden weight loss, although appetite may increase
* Rapid or irregular heartbeat or pounding of the heart
* Nervousness, irritability, tremor
* Sweating
* Changes in menstrual patterns
* Increased sensitivity to heat
* Changes in bowel patterns, especially more frequent bowel movements
* Swelling at the base of the neck, an enlargement of the thyroid known as goiter
* Fatigue, muscle weakness
* Difficulty sleeping

Back in '98/'99, my cat was hyperthyroid. I sent her to Carrboro's Animal Hospital for radiation iodine treatment, and she was cured. How weird/lucky is that?

Erf. Just got back from brunch with some buddies. I think that I ate everything that wasn't nailed down. It was yummy though. Now, I kind of want a nap, but I need to clean up the house and ferry (ha! I almost typed ferret!) Nikki back to my pad and get her settled. I just think that when Andrew gets home tonight that he'd like to let his ferrets have the run of the house. With Nikki here, the bedroom is off limits to them, and they just *love* his bedroom. Lots of interesting stuff to crawl on/behind/in to explore.

Yay! Andrew's coming home. Everytime that I realize that he's coming home tonight I get excited all over again. Hee.

You know? This blog thing is a weird, new thing for me. I swear that I feel performance anxiety about posting here. I don't really have anything *that* exciting to say. It's really just stuff off the top of my head, you know?

Yay!

My darling Andrew comes home tonight from NY. What a long 4 days, it has been!!! :^| And, we were apart for V-Day too. Truthfully, I'm used to being alone on V-Day so it wasn't *that* bad. We're going to celebrate later along with our 5 mos anniversary anyway. Oops--I forgot to buy him a card, and I'm sure that they're all gone now. Where is my head sometimes?

Finally. My own place to post stuff on the web.

I must admit that I'm a little tipsy right now, and the font on my boyfriend's machine is a little small so typos might be frequent.

The biggest news of the day for me? I finally talked to one of the coworker girls from the job I was just fired from in January. Apparently, they were told that my departure was a mutual decision. Yeah, right. Whatever. After 1 1/2 years on the job, you don't let an employee go without a clear reason. (Well, in this state, you *can* actually let someone go without a clear reason so I guess that I mean that you *shouldn't* let someone go without a clear reason. At least, not in snadville.) I was told by that bitch hr woman that I was being fired not because of a performance issue & not because they didn't like me.....but because it "just wasn't working out". What the hell does that mean? I had never been written up at work, and my evaluation was good.

Now, that I've had ~3 weeks to think on it, I believe that they let me go because of medical claims. During my tenure at that hellhole, I developed neck/shoulder problems, nearly constant burning/tingling in arms & legs, wrist pain, and, then, 5 months of yet-to be-explained diarrhea. Yipee. Two days before I was fired, I told my boss that I had several upcoming medical procedures that would cause me to be out two separate days. Then, I mentioned that I'd like to talk to him about my job since I was experiencing health problems that would affect how much I would be able to work in the upcoming weeks. He replied that we should have a conference on Friday. Well, on Friday, they fired me.

Truly, it was a blessing in disguise. My dear friend said "Congratulations!" when she saw me the day that I was fired, and that about summed it up.

More later......