Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I started working on my front page and realized that it sounds more like blog material so I'm pasting it here:

My derby helmet has a sticker on it that reads, "Destined to be an old woman with no regrets." That's me. I have some from when I was younger that I can't undo. Not big ones and not really regrets per se, but more like things that I wish I'd done (like study abroad, or move away from Raleigh and live on my own). I don't want to do those things now, but I didn't do them when I wanted to.

I've always been known as kind of wacky. I guess it started because I'm the youngest in my family. I'd take most any dare and do anything to get attention (lick my sister's shoe, eat a page of notebook paper, jump anything on my bike, climb any tree, etc.). Unfortunately, growing up makes you calm down a bit so I don't exactly eat notebook paper anymore, but I have been known to eat notes with things like credit card info on them. See? Kind of wacky? Today, I express a lot of my wackiness through my insane love for my cat & ferret. If you haven't seen the pages that I let them make, they are my first "friends" listed so go see for yourself.

I hung up my bellydancing scarf for my skates. I was a bellydancer for about 4 years and semi-professional (a few paying gigs) for about 2 years of that. Bellydancing consumed me. I listened to bellydance music almost exclusively, built a kick ass wardrobe, sweated my ass off at regular classes, studied under lots of big names at countless workshops, and I helped found a troupe. Regardless of how much I loved it, one day I realized the magick was gone. I fought it. I didn't want to stop dancing, derby stole my heart away. When the dust settled, I realized that I had been going through the motions with bellydancing for too long. Urmimala, the bellydancer, became LooseWheel Lucille, the rookie CRG.

I always said in college that I wouldn't work some stupid 8-5 job and I'd never work in corporate America. Well, I also said that I wanted to be a social worker. Ha ha. I wish that I could find the job that made me superhappy, but I had to settle a long time ago for the job that pays the bills and makes me reasonably happy. Believe it or not, I found that in accounting clerk jobs. You could not have told me in college that I would have EVER had to do anything with accounting. Oh, well...there are two sides of me, I guess; the people person and the task oriented box checker. I love to check the box.

I don't much like being 38. I wish that someone would give me the past 15 years back and let me spend them with my husband, instead of with the guys that broke my heart or alone. I wish that I had discovered derby when I was 23, not now when I feel the age limitations of my body. I wish that I had more time to be ready to have children. I wish that my parents weren't in their 70s.

This blog sounds more depressing than I feel. Really.