Monday, February 02, 2004

300.40 Neurotic depression.

Great. Another wonderful mental health diagnosis. I thought that I had already fought this war, but it seems that the enemy has changed....sort of.

I thought when I left the psych eval appt that I had anxiety, but, when I got the doctor's paperwork for billing, my diagnosis code was 300.4. to the internet I went, and here's what I came up with:

First of all, the class of 300 diagnoses is Neurotic Disorders........

"The distinction between neurosis and psychosis is difficult and remains
subject to debate. However, it has been retained in view of its wide use.
Neurotic disorders are mental disorders without any demonstrable organic basis
in which the patient may have considerable insight and has unimpaired reality
testing, in that he usually does not confuse his morbid subjective experiences
and fantasies with external reality. Behavior may be greatly affected
although usually remaining within socially acceptable limits, but personality
is not disorganized. The principal manifestations include excessive anxiety,
hysterical symptoms, phobias, obsessional and compulsive symptoms, and


Now, for my specific diagnosis of Neurotic Depression.......

"A neurotic disorder characterized by disproportionate depression which has
usually recognizably ensued on a distressing experience; it does not include
among its features delusions or hallucinations, and there is often
preoccupation with the psychic trauma which preceded the illness, e.g., loss
of a cherished person or possession. Anxiety is also frequently present and
mixed states of anxiety and depression should be included here. The
distinction between depressive neurosis and psychosis should be made not only
upon the degree of depression but also on the presence or absence of other
neurotic and psychotic characteristics and upon the degree of disturbance of
the patient's behavior."

Wow. Is that me? I wonder if my dx will change. I mean, how well can a doc diagnose you when he spends an hour with you?

The more that I think about it, I do have a problem with anxiety.....but it sure has felt like depression. Funny---you think you'd recognize one or the other in your own self! I wonder how long that I've had a problem with anxiety. Was I misdiagnosed in 1996? Was I anxious as a child when I used to have those weird night thoughts about "not being able to finish something". My parents were baffled as was I. I couldn't explain to them what was upsetting me when I got out of bed and came to them. All that I could say was that I felt like I wasn't able to finish something.

Stress in general freaks me out. I hate change of any sort because of the stress & apprehension that it brings.

No wonder that I worried so much about the long line when I was on register at Chick-fil-a in 1984.

No wonder that I freak out before my bellydancing performances.

No wonder that I get strangely overwhelmed when Andrew & I go to NY, and I have to deal with the uncertainties of travel, the awkwardness of in-laws-to-be, and the vastness of NYC.

No wonder that I nearly lost my mind when I worked at Hellhole, Inc. when the stack of work on my desk NEVER ceased to exist.

No wonder that I worry about money so much.

No wonder that I lie in bed and worry that my parents will die or Nikki will die or something will happen to Andrew, etc.

No wonder that the thought of planning my own wedding is freaking me out.

No wonder that sometimes life is so overwhelming that I don't want to leave the house.'s really easy to write this list. That's scary.

Hidesight is 20/20, huh?

I have shared a lot of myself in this post, and I'm going to hold my head up and hit "post & publish". Mental health problems are nothing to be ashamed of, and I refuse to hide this.